Birthing into motherhood
As the time go by I obviously get closer and closer to Her due date.
The days are slowly passing by as i'm reading, feeling, moving, and preparing myself for giving birth and becoming a mother. In this moment to moment process of tremendous change I am growing a deeper respect for my parents and their perfectly imperfect parenting.
At some point I believed (like every kid?) that my parents knew everything. That they were born to be my parents so when my birth-day finally came they just knew what to do without a doubt, as if they had an inbuilt manuscript to follow.
Luckily I too realised at some point in my early teenage years that they, just like all other parents, were completely thrown into parenthood. and that they're continuously winging every part of it. Winging everything from how to change diapers to dealing with hormonal teenagers .
This realisation has been reborn and deepened through the growing life in my womb.
Theres only so much we can understand intellectually. Our intellectual ability is limited to perceiving information, ideas and experiences lived by others. Therefore every sensation, emotion and moment must be lived and absorbed through presence to be embodied and understood beyond the conceptual mind.
I also know that this deep kind of knowing only comes when I have the courage to allow myself to soften and lean into Being, when I have the courage to trust my intuition and instinctual nature, the courage to surrender to unpaved land.
This practice of surrendering is the biggest gift I can give myself, my partner and this unborn life. So I sit, I feel and I let tears of immense gratitude and doubt roll down my checks.